literature

Hope's Journal ( First Days at SSH )

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Published: Dec 14, 2014

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Literature Text

Dear Diary,

Do you get constantly annoyed of people calling you Diary? It must be somewhat agitating, given that we really don't know what your name is. Maybe I should call you... Journal? ... No, too common. You're probably pissed with that, too. How about Book? Yeah. I guess I'll call you Book. Though I'm too lazy to start over again, so I'll just go on ahead. Anyways, I think I've learned some things over the first week here at my new school. This place is definatly a lot neater than my old one, and the people are somewhat nicer. Though yeah... I guess there's a few bumps here...

1. I am always the third wheel.

Wait, I'm not even the third wheel. I'm the thousandth wheel. The most useless of all. Because what in the world has a thousand wheels? Anyways, I guess I realized this finally when I was confronted with more drama. It's like I'm a magnet for it, and I'm always trying to get away... Though it trails behind me. I've started to doubt my reason for being here, if there is one. I mean, it seems now that all people are the same. Maybe it's because I'm a newbie (if that's what I should even call myself nowadays) to this place? Even though, I feel like I'm excluded from everything, intentional or unintentional. I'm invisible. I wonder if I stay like this any longer, I'll fade out of existance. Well, it seems that everyone has their friends and puzzle peices, even if they don't realize it yet. I've already seen the other new people here making friends almost at the snap of a finger. Or at least some sort of bonds. I'm afraid that I'll make a ditz of myself here, as I did back at my old school. I'll end up being in the background again, or if I can even manage to go there. Maybe someone can stick a hand through me, and voila! it goes through my stomach. Hmmm... I might have a few friends. Like Bethany! She's sweet and nice and... ERGH. I've sometimes got butterflies in my stomach. And I blush a little, often at the mention... Then there's Gabe, maybe? But he's nice to everyone, as far as I've seen. I can tell he's been mistaked for a girl plenty of times, though he's probably a little oblivious to it. Sheesh. Poor guy... And there's the Student Council Prez's brother, er...Liam? ... He seems okay. Though I swear, I could feel my face burning as I started a hiccuping fit right in front of him and his sis and the others. He's nice. Makes me...erm...feel weird. Like butterflies again. He's got nice eyes too... Shit. I don't want a repeat of last year. Someone please... Anyone... Help me...

2. No matter how sane everyone seems to be, no one is sane here.

No one. Period. The only ones I've encountered here that show that they are even stable is Bethany, and Himeko, I think. No...no no no, not even Beth. I can tell that she's fallen for Liam, or at the least crushing, and...it makes me feel queasy. Like I'm on a boat with never-ending ocean waves slamming into the ship and nearly turning the thing over. Or somebody stabbed me in the chest, and decided to twist and turn the blade just so I'll cry out. Everything shattered and broken... Any hope dashed away, where I will always return to being alone. God, I'm being depressing, aren't I? I guess the medicine don't work. Well, er... All I know is that my fate will more than likely send me serving time home-bound with who-knows-how-many cats. And ... Crushes suck.

3. ‌Really, I'm never sure who to trust.

Being called a delinquent may have sliced at the self-esteem I have left. Recording the moment that the guy Avett dreaded (and may have wounded his man-pride and posture) when the girl I found in the tree, January I think, forced him in a dress. I didn't do it because I would apparent be paid, I just liked to record random things. And honestly, I guess that's just how I roll. I've always been the Cameragirl, even at my old school, and I guess I'd record crap for anybody. Maybe I thought once I got here, that would...change? And it doesn't help with the puns of my name, either. I have now learned to somewhat hate name puns. Though, I'm sorta glad that at least is taken into consideration of my respect for people, and then utterly denied. Better than not getting an answer, I guess. I've also learned here that I hate being in fancy dresses... They are not confortable, nor do they suit me. But I guess I had a good week here, over all. It didn't completely go downhill. I managed to have a full conversation with several people, and I haven't done that in years. Besides when arguing with my brother. And maybe I will make some memories here, who knows? I can film it all on my camera: people with bull masks, casual conversations when we've been abandoned by the crowd, students I have yet to be acquaintanced with. And hey, maybe fainting wasn't all that bad... Least I woke up in the nurses office and not in a tree.

Until next time (I guess),

Hope